I promised I’d never be one of those. You know what I’m talking about, the screaming-overreacting-crying their eyes out for someone they don’t actually know at all. But then I found myself quietly and cautiously wiping away tears throughout the Jonas Brothers concert a few days ago.

Now, I wasn’t crying because they were just so hot I couldn’t stand it (although, still true ;)). I wasn’t crying because I was fangirling. I wasn’t crying to be dramatic. I wasn’t crying because my heartthrob future husband just walked on stage. I was crying for much deeper reasons.

I cried when a dad and his daughter passed by me. I cried when I remembered that my dad would have loved to take me to a concert like this and try to embarrass me (but really just make sure I had the best night). I cried because of the emphasis on Kevin being a good father.

I cried because, for the first time in over a year, I was happy. I was really happy. God had opened so many doors and answered so many prayers for me to go to this concert. And when those guys walked on stage, I was genuinely happy and had no anxious qualms about the situation. Because for the past year, I’ve been afraid to be happy. I was waiting for the other shoe to drop. I was worried that if I was happy- something else devastating would happen. But at that concert, I allowed myself to be happy and not worry about anything else.

It makes no sense but that’s how grief and anxiety work. The concert also made me cry because it reminded me of when I was 16. Back when I thought life was complicated but was horribly naive. Who cares if your friends don’t text you back young Hilary, your life will get far more complicated, heartbreaking, and wonderful in years to come. 

The concert was nostalgic and exciting. When you’ve faced so much loss like my family has in the last 2 years and deal with the anxiety I do, you learn that sometimes the littlest, even silliest, things that mean the most. For me, seeing a band I have loved for over 10 years, was one of the best moments I have had in months. You might think it’s silly, I’m just grateful. My tears were not for the band but for what I’ve been through in the last few years.

The Jonas Brothers concert was a big step for me. Ever since I’ve lost my dad and grandma, my anxiety has been even higher. Getting out there and going to a concert like this was huge for me. I cried because I didn’t let anxiety win. Who knew a simple concert could mean so much, right? When I went to the concert, I didn’t expect it to be so profound. I had never been one to cry at seeing my favorite band. But the more I thought about it…I wasn’t really crying because of the Jonas Brothers concert…I was crying because I was allowing myself to have fun and live again. Call me philosophical or dramatic, I’m not sure, but all I know is that the concert was a great moment for me.

I’m so glad that God opened the doors for us to get to this concert. He seriously answered so many prayers. And honestly, I needed that…to remember that God still works in even the silly, little things. My sister and I had such a great time and I was just so thankful for some fun. If you’ve never dealt with anxiety or grief, you might not know what I mean. But if you have, you’ve probably learned the value of little things. And the value of being in the moment. So I may have cried at the Jonas Brothers concert, but not for reasons you think. For reasons much more special. XOXO