Grief and compounding grief

“Sometimes, only one person is missing, and the whole world seems depopulated.”

— Alphonse de Lamartine

I might speak on grief a lot but one thing I don’t speak on is just how much grief my family has faced in the last 3 years. Within a 3 and a half year time span, I’ve lost my dad, my uncle, my grandma, my grandpa, and another Uncle just recently. I don’t say that for sympathy or to whine, just to explain what I mean when I say I’ve had compounding grief.

I’m not the only one, there are thousands of people that face loss and loss. Thousands who’s grief becomes compounded by more grief, more pain, and more loss. Jesus is walking through each loss with you. He doesn’t mind your questions or your anger. Each pain is subjective to who it is and your relationship with them. Grief alone can be suffocating, but compounding grief is even more so.

There have been many moments in the past few years that I have said to myself, I literally cannot handle any more grief. I didn’t think I would make it through one loss but here I am, after facing loss after loss and I am still standing. Even if only barely standing at some moments in time. Any grief, especially compounding grief, tests you. Tests your faith. Tests your relationships. It tests your mental health. Tests every part of your life. 

Jesus is walking through each loss with you. He doesn't mind your questions or your anger Click To Tweet

When I think of compounding grief, I picture a man who has a heavy bag on his back. With each loss, another bag is added until He almost buckles under the weight. I know I would have buckled by now if it weren’t for the Lord. Even on days when I didn’t feel Him, I knew He was the only reason I could keep going each day when my heart hurt so very much. 

Compounding grief can feel like it is smothering you. Like you can’t breathe from the weight of your loss. My heart breaks for those who feel that weight so deeply. Because I know what it is like to be facing compounding grief. When you have to live in your nightmare of loss after loss.

What is there to say to someone who feels the loss from compounding grief? There isn’t much to say but that Jesus is walking through each loss with you. He doesn’t mind your questions or your anger. Jesus isn’t surprised by the loss and whether we see it or not, He is molding us and with us even in the midst of loss and pain. 

Sometimes I question whether these grief posts help anyone. But then, I’m gently reminded that even if it only helps me process & heal…then that’s okay. I’m just a girl, who has faced more loss than I’ve ever wanted in a lifetime in a short span of three years. I know I’m surrounded by people who are facing grief and loss that are struggling as well.

If nothing else, I hope you see that even in the midst of heartache and grief there is hope. Hope is Jesus. Hope for healing. Hope for continuing to live a life that your loved ones who have passed would be proud of. Next up in our journey will be “Grief and fear.”