Not for a minute

Not for a minute
Was I forsaken
The Lord is in this place
The Lord is in this place

One of the hardest things to handle during these last 7 months has been trusting that God has not forsaken us. Our flesh and Satan want to blame God but my heart knows that I shouldn’t because He is the only reason we are staying afloat. In the weeks and days after my dad’s death, I struggled with questioning what his last few moments were like. We believe he was alone when he actually passed and that was hard to handle.

Was he in pain? Did he feel alone? Did he realize he was dying? Even now, typing this, the sick feeling rushes over me and the room spins. The thoughts of that day still plague me and continue to take a toll.

But the one thing that continued to comfort me was to remember that my dad wasn’t alone. Not even for a second, a minute, an hour…Jesus never left my dads side. And He hasn’t left my families side either. When I heard the song “Here Again” by Elevation Worship, I completely broke down. It was exactly what I needed to hear at that moment. If you haven’t heard it, take a minute and listen.

Just to share a little of my struggle, I started this post a few weeks ago but writing it brought up flashback after flashback of that day. I almost had a panic attack while trying to continue this post so I decided to stop for a little bit. Today even, I watched a TV show where a dad was having a heart attack and his face was full of fear. I immediately started panicking that it could have been what my dads face looked like in his final moments. My family often have to remind me that my dad was never alone. Just like this song says.

I share all this, not to seem whiny, but to share that God is working in my heart and He can in yours too. Maybe you don’t know what its like to grieve someone but maybe you question where God is in other trials you face. Maybe you lost your job, faced a divorce, lost a home in a fire…whatever the case is I can promise you this: God never left your side, not even for a minute or a second. 

I hope that this brings you as much comfort as it does me. The fact that in a world of death, fear, and chaos…we are never alone. Even when we are mad at God, we are not alone. When we can’t seem to feel God, we are not alone. No matter what we are facing, we are not alone and never forsaken. God is our refuge and strength. Jesus was never forsaken on the cross and neither are we, not for a minute.

I’ve always believed that God can use worship songs to teach us things. This song came out exactly when I needed to hear it- it could only be a God thing. I know that some might be tired of hearing about my grief, but I won’t stop. My dad meant too much to me not to share my heart with you and right now my heart is still broken. It might have been months ago but for me and my family, it still feels like yesterday.

If you’ve experienced loss or any kind of trial and you have questioned if God has forsaken you, there is hope because He never has and never will. Don’t ever feel like you are alone or abandoned because you will always have God in your corner. Rest in that today. Thank Him for that today- I know I am. Take a listen to Elevation Worship, I don’t know much about their church, but God has been using their music to show me some things I definietly needed.

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